My kid just said that

Every time we go to the bank, the teller always slips a few lollipops in my envelope for the boys. I actually really like lollipops. I bought a bag and kept it in our pool tote. Each ride home from the pool, the boys and I sucked on a  dum-dum. Last time I cashed a check, the teller slipped an extra lollipop in for me. It tasted a cross between soap and that nasty mixture of homemade candy lollipops people sometimes make during Christmas. Today, the teller shorted us a lollipop. I handed the 3 back to Dylan who said, "Wow. How nice that each time we come here, we get these delicious lollipops." He smiled at me, and then the two little boys fought over the "red" one. Dylan gave Kieran one, and then flipped another lollipop over to the "redder" side and handed it to Liam saying, "Okay, Liam gets the red one too". Pretty smart for a 9 year old. 

Liam has a vivid imagination. By vivid, I mean, things in which I think a child psychologist should hear. For quite some time, he's talked of an "Angry Bird Dad" who drove a monster truck. Sounding quite like a Dora-the-Explorer episode, he described to me how to get to Angry Bird Dad's house: go down the round, across the train tracks, up a big mountain, down the mountain, and to the other side. Sadly, Angry Bird Dad was killed, however, yesterday, Liam informed me during "school time" that Angry Bird Dad was indeed not dead, but in hiding in a volcano.
See, a monster got him and thought he sucked all of his blood out, but weally, he didn't. So, Angwy Bird Dad drove his monsta truck inside of the "folcano." I was pretty confused.
On how Angry Bird Dad didn't die of a heat stroke:
He has air-conditioning mom. D'uh. Everyone in America has air conditioning.

On how Angry Bird Dad gets his truck inside the volcano:
A special remote control sucks in the tires, and then the truck sticks to the folcano and drives up all da way inside.   

He also informed me that I'll never meet Angry Bird Dad, because he doesn't like me very much, because I don't let Liam play Cameron's DS when he wants to.

Kieran recently lost his 2 front teeth. I was curious how he still managed to eat anything that was pureed. Somehow, this conversation jumped right into the life of pirates.
FIRST
On how he manages to eat without his 2 front teeth:
*pointing to his bottom teeth* These guys down here do all of the work, while my gums get to sit back, and enjoy the tastes.
This somehow jumped into a lengthy pirate debate, maybe because of Kieran's views on Pirates losing body parts and being able to replace them so easily:
Dylan and Cam's dad spent a deployment fighting Somalian pirates, so Dylan realized the who cannon and sword fighting bit was a thing of the past. However, Kieran was adamant about his pirate beliefs, and told Dylan that there were "old fashioned" pirates too.
Kieran's reasons why pirates are awesome:
Pirates don't have any rules. Pirates wear those awesome costumes all of the time, and get to have birds sit on their shoulders. Also, if they lose a limb, no big deal, they get a wooden one. Like, if i lost an ear, I'll just get a new wooden one. Except for hands, then they use a hook. 

We moved to TN when Cam was just two, curiously enough, his brothers who were younger, and born here, haven't adapted the Southern accent, but Cam has. Not only does my boy have the twang, he also mumbles. This is particularly annoying when it's his day to pray on the ride to school. We hear the beginning of the prayer, but then, it just gets a bit jumbled, and we usually sit straining to hear the "amen" portion.

 He had to read 99 words to me last night while I timed him. After I timed him twice, I made him read SLOWLY and ENUNCIATE each word, and stopped him when he started to mumble. On the fourth try of a sentence, Cam stopped me. 
 "Mom, I don't care if I sound like you. Everyone talks like this, so no one will know if I sound ignorant or not. And really, you're the one that sounds different to me. Why put in so much effort? It's much easier to talk like this. 
I just crossed Speech Therapist off of possible occupations for Cam.