Turtle, poop, toe-nails, bras and blessings: PART II

After our torturous, disastrous,  special girl's outing, we headed to dinner at the River City Grill in Surfside. Mom picked the restaurant out, and I must say, I was rather shocked. This place wasn't anything I would chose for the Queen of Etiquette's 60th Birthday. The restaurant resembled a beach  house on the outside, and on the inside were several floors of dining rooms. The windows were open, with large fans circulating air, and wherever you looked, drawings, etches and signatures graffiti'd the place. We had about a 45 minute wait for our table, so after we snapped some sweet pictures at the beach, we just stood baking in the sun. I was dripping sweat, and had to restrain myself from pitching a tantrum when I realized there was no air conditioning in the restaurant. I'm ashamed to admit that once I discovered our son was sitting in the spot closest to the fan, I made him switch with me. 

Dinner was.. eh. It was okay food, but I couldn't get over the peanut shells, and blowing napkins on the floor. And I'm not trying to be a snob, but the table was really sticky. I just didn't appreciate the "guest can autograph anything" feature the place offered. Again, if you knew my mom, you'd still be scratching your head as to why she enjoyed this joint so much. After we ate, we headed back to the excursion aka "The Beast" and discovered the battery was dead. Mr. Man is normally prepared with jumper cables, and a battery charger, but had emptied out the trunk to make room for vacation stuff. We began asking people who walked by if they had jumper cables, but we couldn't find anyone who did. It was unbelievable. I even asked a couple of good ole' boys with pick up trucks and nothing. We were quite a ways from the nearest auto part store and it was nearing 9 o'clock. The boys were beginning to sweat, and hanging out the windows of the beast asking us when we were going to leave. We paused, and prayed. 

It's funny how when we have a problem, we always try to fix it ourselves first, and then pray. We can usually save a lot of time by praying first, and trusting the Lord to take care of us. Kieran prayed that God would send someone to help us. Mom and I decided to go ask a local hotel if they had jumper cables that we could borrow. We walked into the hotel in and explained our situation to the manager. She talked to the sweet maintenance man and told him she had cables, and asked if he would give us a jump. We weren't guests, in fact, we were no one as far as they were concerned, but they were so kind in helping us. 

Finally our beast had power again, and we were up and running! I thanked the man profusely telling him how Kieran had prayed that God would send someone to help us. He said, "You say your little boy asked God to help?" "Yes," I answered him. He told me to go look in the rear window of his truck. He said, "I've noticed a lot of people have started putting their initials on their vehicles. What are those letters? Those mean nothing. I decided to put something on my truck that means something."

 

 I suppressed tears, told him "God bless" and we left. As we got back into the beast, I told Mom what had happened, and we both cried. How great is the Father's love for us? Mom said it was the best birthday ever. Despite our embarrassing walking on the beach, painful pedicures, and interesting shopping experience, the Lord's glory prevailed over the day. I thank God for His many blessings, and the little ways He shows His love for us. 
Love XoXo,
Suzzy

The Scoop on Poop: Successfully Potty Training Your Toddler

 Oh, potty training. The subject of many debates. When to start? How to go about it? How early is too early?

As a first time mom, I had no idea when or how. By the time Dylan was over 2.5, my mom and sisters put the pressure on me. "Why is he NOT potty trained? GET ON IT NOW~!" Dylan was very difficult. He fought me tooth and nail. He'd have accident after accident. By the time we started, he was in the full out terrible twos, and I realized I started too late. Miraculously, he was trained in about 3 weeks.

With my 2nd son, I was much wiser.

By the time Cam's 2nd birthday rolled around, I had a 3.5 yr old, was breastfeeding a newborn, packing up our house to move and potty training. We hit potty training hardcore. The only problem was that our little potty had so many pieces and parts. It was a pain to clean, and Cam just wanted to keep flushing to hear the music and see the lights. I finally got smart and ordered a Baby Bjorn potty.

This little blue potty was a life saver. No parts to take off and lose, no bells and whistles, just sit, do your business, and let's go.

My 3rd son was by far the easiest. Having 2 older brothers close in age, he wanted to be a big guy, but he also wanted to stand. Enter the Peter Potty Urinal:

 3 Days flat, and Kieran was asking to go on his own, and accident free. By my 4th son, I could potty train in my sleep.

It IS very possible to potty train in 3 weeks. It takes discipline, consistency, a lot of praise, and a lot of floor cleaner.
 WEEK One, naked week. Plan on devoting a whole week to nothing but a naked toddler and a plastic potty. Let your child go naked, drink tons of juice, and salty/sugary snacks. The more pee, the more practice.
Day 1
Brace yourself. Today will be the hardest day. Set the potty out in the living room, and set your timer. Every 30 min, they MUST sit on the potty. While they are sitting, turn on their favorite show, let them play w/ a favorite toy or read a book to them. They must sit. Get their favorite drink IE: Chocolate milk, juice etc. and keep that sippy cup full.
Make them sit for atleast 5 min. If nothing happens, set the timer for 15 min, and try again. They are drinking copious amounts of liquid and have small bladders, trust me, they will have to go.
If they get off the potty and pee on the floor, you don't yell, but you sternly say, "No no no! We go pee pee on the potty." Get paper towels, and make them help you. This is cause and effect. Sit them back on the potty.
When they DO pee or poo, they get LOTS and LOTS of praise AND candy! I recommend mini M&Ms! Do not reward for trying. Toddlers are smart. They will continue to sit on the potty for treats and you will not get results.

Week One is the toughest. Your toddler will kick and scream, cry, and refuse to sit on the potty. Here is where tough love comes in. This is not a choice, sit, and stay. They will not be traumatized. I promise you they won't be talking to Dr. Phil in 20 years about how their mean moms forced them to use the toilet. Be consistent. This means minimal trips and errands. 

Week Two. By now, your toddler should have the idea of peeing the toilet down pat. Don't worry if they haven't pooped yet. BMs usually come in week 2 or 3. Pay attention to when your toddler usually poops or their signals. The standing and staring/holding onto the coffee table grunting. One of my boys was like clock work right after lunch during naptime. I began having our book time on the potty, and sure enough, we pooped.  This week, you begin to wear underwear. Go cheap. I could not stomach rinsing poopy underwear out in the sink by my 4th son. Maybe the pregnancies had weakend my stomach or my tolerance had worn thin, but I tossed poopy underwear. Don't be quick to change accidents. If my toddler had just sat down, and then peed in their underwear, I'd have them sit on the tile floor while I finished whatever I was doing. (15 min MAX!) This teaches them several things: #1. Sitting in wet undies stinks. #2. When I pee in my pants, I have to stop playing and sit. #3. It's much easier just to go in the potty. 
Week Three. Leaving the house. By now, your toddler should be consistently going on the toilet while awake. Diapers are still worn during nap & night time. Also, if you're planning on taking a car trip where they could fall asleep, put them in a diaper and pull up. Be prepared for them to be scared of public restrooms. Something about the dark stalls and flushing mechanisms scare toddlers. If you can, bring a potty chair or seat. Expect accidents in new places or out in public. There are a lot of distractions. Don't scold or embarass if they have an accident. It will get better. You are ready to be firm, and start disciplining for accidents. Whichever punishment you chose, it should send a clear message. Your toddler knows what to do, and how to do it. I tend to only discipline for BMs. Pee accidents will still occasionally happen until age 5, especially when a preschooler is pre-occupied with playing, and runs to the bathroom too late. However, BMs are something they have to stop and concentrate on. I remember my 4th son would have no qualms about having a poo in his pants, and would gleefully head to the bathroom for a bath. I began making our post poo bath unpleasant. I made the water colder than lukewarm, but not freezing, and all toys were taken out. We did a quick in and out, and my son was not happy. A few of these quick "car wash" baths later, we miraculously started pooing on the potty.

 Do some of these methods sound too harsh? Well, I can promise you, you can potty train with a much more lax system, however, I can also promise you it will take a LOT longer than 3 weeks. Be firm, be consistent, but committed. You cannot start, and then stop mid- pt'ing and say, "My child is not ready." You will throw away all of your hard work and face a much more oppositional child the next go around.

Tips:

• Always pack 2-3 changes of extra clothes, socks, and 1 pair of extra shoes, because they will pee on them.
• Pull-Ups may or may not work for you. If your child is using them as a diaper, ditch them and go for the underwear.
• Do not ask a toddler if they need to go, make them, they will not go on their own.
• We praise for progress, and are matter of fact about accidents.  We don't scold or humiliate, but we also do not excuse and coddle. "We do not pee on the floor, you need to use the potty!"       

Hope this helps, and happy potty training! Love, Suzzy
 

On the Edge, why I haven't blogged in a while

Atlas, my last preschooler graduated. Liam's last day was very very bad. He punched another child in the face, and refused to listen; thus, spending the majority of his last day in time out. Instead of hugs and tears, I got a very bad report, and saw teachers very ready to send him off. I also got the "discipline" lecture from the director. I love our preschool, and the teachers, but what a poopy end to a 5 year relationship. I was so angry at Liam for misbehaving, but I was also so deeply but the less than warm send off. 

Lately, I feel like I have been on the edge. Sometimes, despite being consistent with discipline at home, and mixing the right amount of love and attention, my children still act like wild animals. What can you do? You regroup, and start over. Some weeks, I feel that all we are doing is regrouping, and starting over. Regrouping and starting over. Maybe that's why I haven't blogged in a while. I sit at the computer to type, and instead of some funny story or lesson learned, I just start to cry. While I was going to school, I defined myself, and my self worth by grades and academic acheivements. Every great paper, or exam I took, I felt better about myself. However, Spring 2013, I decided to take the semester off and focus on my family. 

Anyone who looks down on a stay at home mom is a fool. I've spent more time with my boys. REALLY getting to know them. Hearing their hearts, listening to their fears and worries. We've started devotions. We play games. I've gotten to volunteer at their school, and meet all of their friends. However, I've also spent a lot of time disciplining, and pleading, and talking to child psychologists, and at the doctors. I feel that no one ever told me how exhausting this ADHD journey would be. After years of struggling with my very active little boy, we finally got a diagnosis, however, it was just the beginning. In any given month, we spend over $300 on meds for Kiwi. We go to our pediatrician 1x a month for medication review, and then to a child psychologist 2x a month for behavior modification therapy. By "we", I mean, ME. Bless Mr. Man, but he works too many hours to help. I shuttle the kids around, clean the house, and go to bed. There is little gratification in this job. I feel that my joy has turned to frustration to feeling hopeless.

Everyday is like ground hog day. I have to remind Kiwi the same things. We still fight to brush our teeth, put our shoes on, not have meltdowns. Couple this with Liam's last sour day, and I about wanted to stand their crying like a crazy woman and say, "I AM TRYING! WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT!?" But, I didn't.  

Tomorrow will be better. Tomorrow will be better. As I finish up, I feel I must share this last bit. I've been on the fence about sharing it, but I always feel every experience we go through is such a lesson. (That, and I highly doubt this individual reads my blog) I recently had a heart to heart with a friend who had hurt me. Our conversation did not go well, at all. The more this person talked, the more I began to cry. Hindsight, some of it is comical, but in the moment, it was extremely hurtful. One of her issues was that I need to let things roll off of me and not have the need to tell people when I am hurt. There wasn't a lot of compassion or understanding. It was very cold. I cried, and cried some more. More than anything, I grieved the loss of a friend I knew. Seven years is a long time, but I realized, I am worth more than that. I deserve so much more. Maybe we out grow friendships? I don't know why I held on for so long and so hard to that one, but after that hard conversation, and many dirty tissues, I realized it was all right, and I could finally move on. 

What are you holding onto? Is anything in your life dictating how you feel about yourself or making you bitter? After our talk, I went to the gym that evening, and was listening to Air 1. Britt Nicole's Gold song came on, and I prayed and asked the Lord to help me remember my worth. My worth is not in what someone else thinks of me, or accomplishments (or lack there of). I am a child of the King. I am worth something because God loves me, and chose me as His child.
 I pray you all see your worth today, and seek the Lord when you feel less than loved!
Love, Suzzy




 Gold by Britt Nicole
 You were walking on the moon, now you're feeling low
What they said wasn't true, you're beautiful
Sticks and stones break your bones, I know what you're feeling
Words like those won't steal your glow, you're one in a million

This, this is for all the girls, boys all over the world
Whatever you've been told, you're worth more than gold
So hold your head up high, it's your time to shine
From the inside out it shows, you're worth more than gold
(Gold gold, you're gold)
You're worth more than gold
(Gold gold, you're gold)

Well everybody keeps score, afraid you're gonna lose
Just ignore they don't know the real you
All the rain in the sky can't put out your fire
Of all the stars out tonight, you shine brighter

This, this is for all the girls, boys all over the world
Whatever you've been told, you're worth more than gold
So hold your head up high, it's your time to shine
From the inside out it shows, you're worth more than gold
(Gold gold, you're gold)
You're worth more than gold
(Gold gold, you're gold)

So don't let anybody tell you that you're not loved
And don't let anybody tell you that you're not enough
Yeah there are days that we all feel like we're messed up
But the truth is that we're all diamonds in the rough
So don't be ashamed to wear your crown
You're a king you're a queen inside and out
You glow like the moon, you shine like the stars
This is for you, wherever you are

Oh, oh, yeah, yeah, oh, oh,
You're gold

This, this is for all the girls, boys all over the world
Whatever you've been told, you're worth more than gold
(So hold your head) So hold your head up high,
It's your time to shine
From the inside out it shows, you're worth more than gold
(gold gold, you're gold)
You're worth more than gold
(gold gold you're gold)

So don't be ashamed to wear your crown
You're a king you're a queen inside and out

Labor and Delivery: What to expect, and what to pack in your hospital bag!

By my 4th son, I was an expert at labor and delivery. However, back in 2003, my experience was much different. I was a terrified 19 year old, and I had no idea what to expect. After I gave birth, I felt like I had been hit by a train. I wasn't prepared, and spent the better part of three days in a hospital gown in a daze. The whole experience was very surreal, and came with a lot of unexpected surprises. So, sit back, and relax while I explain the process of L&D, the good, bad, gross, and ugly truth.

First things first, what to pack:

• Comfy socks
• Big cotton underwear, buy a 6 pck, and plan on throwing them away
• Nursing bra
• Nursing tank top
• Comfy pants (yoga, sweats, etc..)
• Zip up hoodie
• Breast pads & nipple cream (you can buy these at Target, or Babies R Us)
• Toiletries, pony tail holders, hairbrush, and make up, tooth paste and brush
• Chapstick
• Cell phone charger 
• Camera
• Breast pump

For the baby:

• Baby blanket
• Hat 
• Going home outfit
• Diapers & wipes (the hospital will supply these during your stay)
• Burp cloths
• Boppy to help nurse
• Several onesies, nightgowns, and socks. The baby will spit up, poop and pee through several outfits a day.
• Carseat            

Am I in labor? As you near your due date, you will be obsessively asking yourself this. Trust me, when it's time, you'll know. Some women lose their "mucus plug". It looks exactly as it sounds. A yellowish, sometimes blood tinged clump of mucus, however, with all 4 pregnancies, I never saw mine. I DID feel increasing pressure down there. With every step, I felt as though the baby was going to fall out on the floor. I also had "bloody show." When I wiped after using the bathroom, there was a bloody/mucusy substance on the toilet paper. Don't be embarrassed if you rush to the hospital expecting to deliver only to be sent home. Better safe than sorry, and most of us seasoned moms have made many a trip to L&D only to be told it's not time yet. 

Prepare the husband.
Prepare your hubby ahead of time. Explain exactly what you want, and expect. Men aren't that great at anticipating and guessing needs. This is just a man thing. 

 My ex husband, bless his heart, was the worst birthing coach ever. He slept through both of my labors, and when my 2nd son starting crowning, I was literally throwing things at him to get up and run and get the nurse. It was horrible. I felt so alone and depressed. 

For this reason, I fully prepared my new Mr. Man for my L&D. I expressed wanting his undivided attention. He delivered 100%. My 3rd and 4th deliveries were amazing. Mr. Man encouraged me, fed me ice-chips, and cheered me on when I told him I was too tired to push. The whole birthing process will be an intimate time of bonding for you and your Mr. Man. After I had delivered, Mr. Man helped walk me to the bathroom, put on my lovely ace bandage underwear, the world's largest maxi pad, and helped tuck me into bed. I could not have asked for a better partner.
 

It's time! 
If this is your first delivery, expect it to take a while. You'll get changed into your hospital gown, and you'll have fetal monitors placed around your belly to monitor the baby. If you opt for an epidural, do NOT, I repeat, do NOT look at the NEEDLE! I never understood why my husband got so woozy during this process until I was watching one of those delivery shows, and saw the needle. Yes, it is very long, but trust me, it does not hurt anymore than a normal shot. By the time I got my epidural, I was in so much pain, I barely felt the needle going into my back. You'll need to sit very still while the epi is administered. I recommend sitting on the edge of the bed, with your partner in front of you. You almost hug your spouse, and slightly curl your back. Don't worry, the anesthesiologist with walk you through this. 

(side note: Check, and double check ALL pictures before posting to social media. The next picture which shows my husband cutting the cord, also debut's my lady parts. This was overlooked. I know the well meaning nursing thought she had captured an amazing moment, and she had, we just needed to crop first.)

Pushing is the easy part.
Truly. I hear so many new moms terrified about pushing the baby out. This, my friends, is the easy part. After 9 grueling months of waddling, uncomfortable sleep, pelvic pain, nausea, and the general feeling of discomfort, I couldn't wait to get the baby out. My favorite pushing position consists of having your hubby and your nurse hold your legs, placing your chin to your chest, and pushing like you are about to take the mother of all poops. And yes, some of you may actually poo on the table. It's completely normal, and to be expected. The nurse will wipe it away, and you'll continue pushing. My first son, I pushed for 16 minutes. By my 4th, I pushed 3 times, and out he came. 

  
 This ain't Hollywood ladies. Now, brace yourself. I'm about to tell you all of the things about after birth that no one told me. After you deliver your sweet bundle of joy, you will need to give another small push to deliver your placenta. Once this is done, the doctor will push and prod, and poke your belly to make sure everything got out, and you will hear gushes of blood falling into a container. If you tore, the doctor will take this time to stitch you up. Focus on the sweet baby.

After you deliver, you'll have the option to try to nurse. I opted to bathe baby after our nursing attempts. We wiped him off, and I put him straight to the breast. He suckled a little, but he was so cold, that it didn't work out. The nurses took him away for a bath, and a little time under the heating light. If this is your first delivery, your labor and delivery nurse with help you attempt to breast feed. She will man handle your breast, and manuver the baby to suckle. Take her help. Nursing is nothing like what you see on the movies. The baby will thrust it's tongue, and move its' head, and you will become frustrated. Relax. It will take a few tries. 

Let the hemorrhaging begin. After you've delivered, and your epi has worn off, you'll be allowed to get up, use the bathroom, and change clothes. Your stomach will still resemble a 5-6 month pregnancy, so pack large clothes. Some hospitals offer you ace-bandage like underwear, take them. Have your husband help you in the bathroom. You'll need to pull on the elastic underwear, and place a huge maxi pad down there. The hospital will supply you with a little water bottle. You'll need to rinse "down there" and you may get soothing foam to place on your maxi pad. (It helps with swelling and pain, because trust me, nothing down there will look the same for a little while.) Thus, begins your bathroom regime  for the next 10 days. Each time you use the restroom, you'll need to rinse, change pads, spray foam etc. And you will bleed. A lot. It's like the mother of all periods. Nursing helps shrink your uterus, so I always bled more while I nursed. Again, pack large granny panties, and big comfy sweats or yoga pants.

 
 I'm so hungry. After I delivered my 4th son, I sent my husband out to get me Chick-Fil-A, and large chocolate shake. I was famished. The hospital will send up a meal after you deliver, but I wanted real food. I think Mr. Man was just happy to have a reason to get out of the hospital for a little while. After I ate, I got baby back from the nursery, and we all slept. During your hospital stay, you will not sleep well. Nurses will come in to check your blood pressure, temperature etc. and your bundle of joy will want to eat often. I could not wait to get home, and get some real rest. Beware of the crazy picture person who will come by and ask if you want newborn shots. Decline. I have never seen a single good infant shot. Newborns, even the prettiest, are not very photogenic that first day, and you will get better shots on your own. I took these when Liam was 3 days old by draping a blanket across the couch.

 
 Nursing
I have a love/hate relationship with breastfeeding.
Myth: Nursing doesn't hurt, it does, a lot, at least the first week. Why else do they make nipple cream? Not to mention those lovely uterus cramps you'll feel the first week or two. Yes, nursing helps shrink the uterus, and you'll feel like you're experiencing L&D all over again.
Myth: Your milk is in, you're just not nursing correctly, except that I am, and drinking your magical milk boosting tea, and pumping around the clock. Unless there's a way to tap into it other than the nipple, it's not there.
Myth: Breastfeeding is so amazing and rewarding! Yes, it can be, but it is also very time consuming, and hard being the only one to feed this precious life.

Notice the disgruntled woman in the background with the breast pump..

My milk never fully came in for my 3rd and 4th boys, and subsequently, I had to supplement with formula. Repeat this to yourself: I AM NOT A FAILURE IF I CAN'T BREASTFEED!!!!!!!! I tried everything to get my milk to come in. Pumped around the clock, drank fenugreek tea, took prescription pills. Nothing worked. I cried and I cried and felt like a failure. I consulted with lactation consultants who assured me my milk was in, I just wasn't nursing correctly. Finally, after my 3rd son was down 1lb a month after birth, my pediatrician told me to supplement. Commence more tears, and "I'm a failure" speeches.

Luckily, by #4, I realized that formula wasn't "poison" and my child would not be "dumb" if I used formula. I nursed for 1.5 mths before I ran dry, and switched over to the bottle. No mommy guilt. Breastfeeding is WONDERFUL if it works for you, if it doesn't, do not be consumed with guilt, and more importantly, do not let other mommies make you feel terrible or like you didn't try. No one gets to Kindergarten and says, "My, he is smart, he must have been breastfed!" 

Crying in the shower.
Beware of post partum depression. Some nights, it was all I could do to wait until my evening shower (yes, you won't shower until your hubby comes home!)  to have my big cry. I'm not sure what I was even crying about, but it sure felt good. Motherhood is hard. Sleep deprivation, bleeding nipples from nursing, and having to attend to one person's every need is exhausting. Take help. 

My mom came and stayed a week with me after I had my 4th. I was phenomenal. She cooked, cleaned, and told me my only job was to watch over baby. I wish I had done this with all of my births. I was able to focus all of my attention on my new bundle of joy without worrying about all of the other responsibilities. Enlist a girlfriend, or mother in law, or mama or whoever you can to come help! If you're still feeling the baby blues, talk to your doctor. It is 100% normal, and chances are, all of your mommy friends have gone through the same thing! 

There it is girlfriend! Did I miss anything? Each story is unique and special! What made your labor and delivery unique? What was your absolute must? Remember, while the first few days and weeks are hard, looking into those sweet little [sleeping, for the love of mercy, please sleep] faces makes it all worth it! <3 Suzzy